Catwoman (TimeMage)
Format: Advance
Genre: Action
Developer: Magic Pockets SAS
Publisher: Electronic Arts

Review
One of the Nine Circles of Hell, this game offers a fantastic glimpse into feminism101. I believe this was based off a movie in the 2000's era known as "Catwoman", which was originally based off a spinoff character from the Batman series of the same name. This game unfortunately proves that there are no good "dark hero" women, nor will there ever be any. A combined parkour style and beat'em up game, you control "catwoman" and run around jumping on buildings to climb what seems like skyscrapers most of this game. During parts with enemies, you can beat them up by spamming the B button, or using your whip on the same button. This game's action is not intuitive. The action is actually quite dull, almost registering like a final fantasy game because all you do is spam the B button. Those are the "good" points of the game, now comes the shitstorm. This game is clunky. REAL CLUNKY. The button inputs keep getting eaten, the jumping is ridiculous and locked. As soon as you jump, you cannot change direction, motion or ANYTHING. It's one of "THOSE" games. In addition to that, it's a "tight performance" platformer with parkour-style grappling. The graphics sometimes hide important platforms or bars that you have to jump to. In addition to all previously mentioned platforming sins, this game also has falling-deaths. Yes, that's right, if you're "too high up" and fall to the ground you started on, you die. Oh, but even worse news, when you die, you have to watch the cutscenes all over again.. no skipping. Let's add onto the shitnado shall we? DEATH LASERS! yeahhh that's right, death fricken lasers!!!! Oh, but we're not done yet... EA brings the pain by giving you 2 enemies that will absolutely shit on your day. One enemy has a gun, and will shoot you... it's a machine gun that stunlocks you. The other enemy is apparently Jet Li and will combo your ass till your health bar hits zero. But wait, there's more!!! EA in it's true fashion decided that the crap wasn't a craptsunami yet, so it decided to put in the one thing that EVERY... SINGLE...GAMER...LOVES......... Stealth Missions. gotta remember their motto: "EA Games, Go #$%@ yourself." (for anyone wondering about the plot of this game, an aging hilary clinton tries to kill everyone with cosmetics)

All in All, I was on the verge of giving this game a 2 but settled for a score of 3 because at the very least there was effort put into the health bars of enemies, and some of the levels did have SOME thought in their design. The game was absolute trash. It wears on the body and mind playing this game.

TimeMage's verdict: